Scrambling to Make a Pie.

Reading through a Bitchin' Kitchen cookbook, one recipe caught my eye right away: Dark Chocolate and Caramelized Banana Pie.  I thought, It has chocolate.  It has bananas.  I must make it.

That was before I realized that the recipe was vegan.  I have nothing against tofu on principle, but I'm not able to make my taste buds overrule my brain's insistence that I am, in fact, eating soybean curd.  It's like how some people can't bring themselves to eat calamari.  So I followed the recipe with two changes: I used unsalted butter in place of the cocoa butter* for the crust and substituted cream cheese for the tofu.  It turned out OK, more like a no-bake cheesecake ("No!  Really?").  The crust was a bit greasy and the bananas a little soggy.  I also decided that the bananas would have worked much better with a more "pie-like" filling.  Determined to make a better version, I looked up French silk pie recipes, and found this one.  I chose it because not only does it have good reviews; unlike most French silk pie recipes, it doesn't contain raw eggs.

Ah, the eggs.  I've made a custard before, so I should have known better.  I really should have.  But the dog wanted inside and my phone battery was alerting me of its untimely death, so I left the eggs and sugar on the stove top (It'll just be a moment!). When I came back, I noticed a very distinctive smell.

It smelled like breakfast.

  

Those white bits are never a good sign.

What I did wrong with both the original pie and then the new pie:
1) Put too much butter in the crust.
2) Didn't put the bananas on paper towels out of the oven, so the melted sugar made the pie soggy.
3) Stopped stirring and walked away from eggs on the stove top, resulting in scrambled eggs.

I did start out with the original crust recipe, still using unsalted butter in place of the cocoa butter.  I doubled the recipe as well, because I used a 9" pie pan instead of a 7" mold.

I used just enough of the melted butter to make the ingredients stick lightly together. Even so, there still seemed to be too much, so I pressed it into the pan using a paper towel.

Like shortbread crusts, this one has a tendency to puff up in the oven.  So once it was slightly cooled, I ran the back of a spoon over it.  

Finished crust.

I also doubled the filling recipe, which gave me enough for about 1 1/2 pies.**  The first thing I did was make the whipped cream and set it aside.  Using cold heavy cream and a chilled bowl and whisk will make your cream whip faster.*** Some people use a bowl inside another bowl containing ice water, but I just put my bowl and whisk in the freezer for a couple minutes and then wipe off any condensation.

Whipping to "stiff peaks" means that you can lift the whisk,
and the cream will form a peak at the top

which won't fall to one side or the other (that would be "soft peaks").

I creamed the butter after that, so that it would be ready to pour the chocolate mixture into it.  Next, I cooked the eggs and sugar on the lowest heat setting on the stove top.  Remember to stir continuously to prevent any accidental omelettes!  I used a candy/deep-fry thermometer to reach 160°F, but as the recipe says, you can also see if it coats the back of a metal spoon to see if it's done.  Then I added the chocolate off the heat and after cooling, and that was all beaten together with the butter.

I didn't realize that the bowl reflected so much light from that angle.

When incorporating ingredients like egg whites or whipped cream, you're aiming for a light, fluffy texture, so you don't want to beat or stir vigorously.  Carefully fold in the whipped cream until no white streaks remain.

The filling should be about the texture of pudding. Then just pour it into the pie crust and chill in the fridge.

On to the caramelized bananas.  If you watch the video that goes along with the recipe, Nadia doesn't bake the bananas; she broils them.  I think this is a more efficient way to caramelize the sugar, so I chopped 2 small bananas (I didn't want to cover the whole pie), dipped each side in the raw sugar, shook off the excess, and placed them under the broiler on a baking sheet for about 3 minutes.  You'll see the sugar start to melt and bubble.  Take the bananas out when the tops are lightly brown.

I put the bananas onto a paper towel to get rid of excess moisture; they'll still be shiny and sticky.  Then I made more whipped cream (I made it with a cup of heavy cream, a tablespoon of granulated sugar, and a teaspoon of vanilla and a tablespoon of rum****, so enough to have about half left over), spread that on the chilled pie, topped with bananas, et voilà:

You can, of course, top the pie with as much whipped cream and as many or as few bananas as you like.  After putting my desired amount on, I had extras.  So I ate them.  And they were good.

DEEMS THIS RECIPE: 
Easy enough... 
for pie, that is.

*I don't live close to a place that sells cocoa butter for baking purposes, otherwise I would have used that.  For some recipes calling for cocoa butter, you can substitute white chocolate and reduce some of the sugar.  You'd have to check the ingredients on the white chocolate first, because cheaper, generic brands might not be made with cocoa butter.

**Chocolate "mousse" shots with leftover pie filling, possibly?

***Basic explanation here.  

****Because why not?  And see (**).

When Buttermilk Biscuits Fall Flat.

Last fall, I made my first attempt at buttermilk biscuits.  Because I had leftover bacon grease (yes, I am the kind of person who will keep a jar labeled "bacon grease" in my refrigerator), I thought I'd substitute some of that for the butter.  I can tell you, they certainly smelled delicious while baking.  The flavor was even pretty good.  But the texture was more like this:

Image from: www.site-2-shop.com

... Not very appetizing.  Although I think I would have been heartily welcomed at Koom Valley reenactments.

What I did wrong:
1) Didn't use cold butter/buttermilk.
2) Used old baking powder.
3) Rolled out the dough (BIG mistake).

Using cold butter and keeping other ingredients cold will create small pockets in the dough, giving you flakier biscuits.  Baking powder has a shelf life of 6 months to a year, and if it isn't active, baked goods won't rise.  Rolling out biscuit dough overstimulates the gluten, giving you tough biscuits.  So my biscuits were dense, flat, and heavy.

Then I found this recipe.  And ever since, biscuits have become an obsession.

First, I usually cut up the butter* and pop it in the freezer for a few minutes.  I also keep 1 1/2 cups of buttermilk in the refrigerator until needed.  Then I pulse the flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, and butter together about 4 times in a food processor, until most of it is the texture of coarse meal, before pouring it all into a bowl to add the buttermilk.

Don't freak out if there are chunks of butter left after cutting in the butter/processing. This just means flakier biscuits!

The recipe calls for "approximately" 1 cup of buttermilk for a reason.  I usually have to use another ~1/4-1/2 cup to make a nice sticky dough.

Folding the dough over can get messy, but it's definitely worth it for the flaky layers. Just remember that as tempting as it might be to turn to the rolling pin at this stage, don't do it!  I promise that your teeth will thank you.

If you don't have a biscuit cutter, you can flour the rim of a glass and use that.  When cutting out biscuits, use a firm up-and-down motion, and try not to twist.  Twisting can make your biscuits not rise as high.

I like soft sides, so I let the sides of my biscuits touch.  If you like crunchier sides, you can leave space between them.  I also like to brush the tops with melted butter. I've tried brushing with buttermilk but decided regular butter tastes better.  You don't have to brush them with anything, though.

The biscuits should quickly start rising.  This should have been the first sign that I had done something wrong the first time around; I looked in the oven after a couple minutes, and the biscuits looked just as flat as they had been before putting them in the oven.**

Take out the biscuits when they're golden brown on top.  For me, that's after about 15 minutes. Our oven doesn't quite cook evenly, so one side does get more done than the other, but any darker than this would have been overcooked.  It might be difficult to tell in this picture, but the biscuits made from pressing the scraps together (on the far left side) didn't cook as evenly or rise as high. 

I sometimes try harder to make my biscuits more round-- the one on the right in front looks a bit like a beetle, no?--or symmetrical, or the same height, but it really isn't necessary.  You can even cut the dough into squares or triangles if you don't want to waste any dough.  They'll still taste good.  And isn't that what ultimately matters in a biscuit?

*I do prefer butter for this recipe, but you can use shortening or substitute some of the butter for shortening or bacon grease.  Shortening will give a lighter texture but less buttery flavor.  Bacon grease will give a denser texture and a smokier flavor. 
** I've made taller biscuits with this recipe before by pressing out dough to no less than 1" thick, but I've found that works best if you double the original recipe.   The original gives me about 10-12 thinner biscuits (not thin, just thinner) or roughly eight thicker ones.  I made twelve because around here, eight biscuits can disappear awfully quickly...






DEEMS THIS RECIPE:
About as easy as pie dough,
only less time-consuming.

Accidental Pizza Tossing 101.

I have no intention of ever tossing pizza dough, because I am far too uncoordinated to do so successfully.  Recently, however, I did accidentally toss a pizza.  An entire pizza, not just the dough. Admittedly, things had gone wrong previous to what I will hereafter refer to as the Incident, but that was when the pizza literally hit the fan (the oven fan).  I decided to check and see if I had enough cornmeal under the pizza and shimmy it around before sliding it onto the pizza stone.  It got stuck in one corner, and I shook a little (OK, a lot) harder than intended.  It went off and upward before falling in a heap on the stone.  I took the stone out of the oven to try to salvage the pizza, but...

Tha' was deliberate.  

I put it in the oven like that anyway, because it was late, and I just couldn't be bothered.  The taste was good, although (for obvious reasons) it didn't bake that evenly.

Now, I could still have avoided the Incident with a few changes to the pizza preparation.

What I did wrong:

1) Patted the dough out too thin.

2) Added too much sauce and too much cheese before the pizza went into the oven, resulting in a pizza too heavy to slide around easily.

3) Decided to first check if the pizza would slide while holding it in the oven.  (<-- This is always a bad idea.  Always.)

So on to the successful pizza.  I made a few modifications to the sauce recipe found here, and I used the crust recipe found here.  For the cheese, I just used mozzarella and Parmesan.

The only change I made to the dough recipe was adding ~1 tbsp each of fresh sage and rosemary (you can also used dried; in general 1 tsp dried herbs = 1 tbsp fresh). You can choose whatever herbs or spices you like, though, or use none at all. 

 Remember that you don't have to use all the flour,
and that room temperature and humidity will affect how much you need.

After pressing/rolling dough, it should stretch but not tear.

For the sauce, I'm not that fond of the texture of tomatoes (I know, I know; homemade pizza without fresh tomatoes? Ridiculous!  But there ya go.), and some reviews said the sauce was too thin, so instead of using a 28 oz can of whole peeled tomatoes in juice, I used:

14.5 oz can petite diced tomatoes, in juice

6 oz can tomato paste
8 oz can tomato sauce

I ended up with enough sauce for two pizzas, so I'm freezing the rest of it until needed.  

(The coffee isn't an ingredient. 

It's for my sanity.)

The sauce will thicken while simmering, too.

I stretched the dough slightly and put it on a baking sheet dusted with flour and cornmeal (improvised pizza peel), then assembled the pizza on that while the pizza stone was in the oven preheating.  (A preheated pizza stone will ensure more even baking and a crispier crust, but you can bake on a regular pan as well.  If you're using a pan and not preheating it, you can ignore the next bit!)

After putting the dough on the peel, give it a (not too enthusiastic!) jiggle every so often to make sure the pizza slides around.  If it doesn't, lift gently and toss a bit of extra flour or cornmeal underneath.  To get the pizza off the peel and onto the stone, place the edge of the peel at the back of the stone, wiggling--again, don't do this too roughly, so that you can avert any Incidents--until the edge of the pizza is on the stone.  Then gently pull the peel toward yourself.  

I know this is blurry, but I had to take a picture after doing it successfully,

in case of any other imminent disasters.

I added extra cheese and summer sausage in the middle of baking just because the sausage was already cooked, but you can add your toppings beforehand.  Just remember that loading down a crust before putting it in the oven can make getting it into the oven more difficult.

Because I accidentally preheated the oven to a lower temperature than the dough recipe called for and had to raise it just after putting the pizza in the oven, the dough took a bit longer than the cheese.  But overall, pizza was finally a success:

The finished product!

DEEMS THIS RECIPE:

Easier than pie 

...if you're careful.

An Introduction, or I Will Conquer Fried Chicken.

Growing up in the southern United States, I've eaten my fair share of fried chicken. I've had it at fast food chains, in small local eateries, at large chain restaurants, and at various holes-in-the-wall.  I've had good fried chicken, bad fried chicken, and possibly mediocre, forgettable fried chicken (if so, I've forgotten it already).  I've listened to the "to egg wash or not to egg wash" debates.  I've witnessed people arguing over what constitutes "fried"-- deep fryer?  Cast iron skillet?  Is "oven-fried" heresy?--and what constitutes "Southern fried" in particular-- just flour, salt, and pepper?  Buttermilk?--and not long ago, I decided to experiment.  I decided to make fried chicken.  How hard could it be?

People who make good fried chicken will say it's as easy as pie... if you buy the right chicken, coat it with just the right amount of flour mixture, let the chicken stand for just the right amount of time, and are extremely careful about keeping your oil at a constant temperature.  So, yes, I would agree; it is as easy as pie.

Pie ain't easy.

I'm not saying that making a pie turn out well is necessarily difficult for everyone, but when someone says the word easy, you generally don't think of a process that can take hours, or days if you include chilling dough, to complete (or do you?  I don't.). And it can take multiple tries before you perfect a pie recipe.  If you're like me, the failures make you push harder. I can now make an apple pie I'm not ashamed to let other people eat.  

But I've failed at fried chicken, oh, three, four times?  Each time, I can tell you what went wrong.  And I will, in future posts.  I will also tell you where other recipes went wrong and where they succeeded. Hopefully I can help other unsuspecting cooks not make the same mistakes.  But this is also to help reassure people that mistakes are OK. Expected, even.  Cooking is an adventure full of surprising (and often ridiculous) predicaments.  I started this blog because I'd like to have some company on my adventure.

And because I'm determined that fried chicken will not defeat me.